Saturday, February 18, 2006
(From M Zone wire reports) Tuscaloosa, AL -- Outrage over the Paul "Bear" Bryant cartoons continued to grow across Alabama one day after they were posted on the M Zone four years after they were first published by the M Zone's Danish affiliate, Den M Distrikt.
The M Zone offices in the capital of Montgomery were torched by a mob carrying 'Bama flags while chanting "Death! Death! M Zone, Death!" and "Roll Tide!" Elsewhere, windows were shattered at the M Zone affiliate in Birmingham and staffers at the blog's Mobile office had to be airlifted to safety. As a result, M Zone co-editor Benny Friedman is advising all M Zone employees to use extreme caution and non-essential personnel to leave Alabama unless they have a chance to score with a really hot southern girl.
"We haven't seen this type of outrage since Ohio State fans realized their mascot is nothing but a poisonous nut. But we must stand strong in the face of this behavior to prove that we are not afraid," said Friedman from a secret location.
While so far only Alabama fans are involved, some officials believe the unrest is being instigated by outside forces in Louisiana associated with radical elements of Onepeat.com, a group of LSU fanatics who still don't realize USC won a piece of the mythical national title in 2003 (hence the word mythical). Onepeat.com representatives were incensed by the accusation and said, if such rumors persisted, they would raise money to put up a billboard long after anybody gave a shit.
SHOW OF SOLIDARITY
In a courageous act, the likes of which hasn't been seen online since somebody had the guts to post the Paris Hilton sex video, the good people at EDSBS reprinted one of the offending cartoons as a sign of solidarity with the M Zone. By displaying the controversial drawings on its site, EDSBS was the only publication to stand up to the threats being made by Alabamans. CNN, ABC, NBC and CBS all refused to show the images siting, "sensitivity toward Crimson Tide fans." The Washington Times blamed the Clinton Administration for the problem, the NY Times blamed President Bush and Fox News did not report on the story as Bill O'Reilly was instead covering the blogosphere elite's War on President's Day.
At press time, M Zone officials are unsure how far the violence will spread as more threats are being issued on their blog hourly. The 'Bama Sigma Chi house clarified its original fatwa calling on the Ghost of Bear to strike down the infidel University of Michigan football team by making the Wolverines lose their first road game each September, lose to Ohio State on a regular basis in November, blow any and all 4th quarter leads and finally make sure none of their co-eds will ever be as hot as SEC girls."
When Sigma Chi was informed this fatwa must've already been answered by those beseeching the Ghost of Woody during the darkest hours of the John Cooper era, the brothers said they'd get back to us with a new fatwa when the keg came. Until then, they were going to sic the gentleman in the picture at the right on any and all M Zone staffers who fucked with "The Bahr."