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Friday, February 03, 2006

The Devil Speaks: Solitaire vs. Minesweeper

Sometimes a comment is so good, it deserves it's own post. Below is a comment BaggyPantsDevil put up under the post by Yost about who were the worst fans. Naturally, Ohio State fans disagreed and the comments got pretty heated. But when one of them said all the "Fuck Michigan" stuff was ok, that we were thin-skinned not to also think so and, most of all, Michigan fans were just jealous of Tosu fans, well, BaggyPantsDevil begged to differ. Here is what he said...

I’m going to take this whole, “everyone else is just jealous of Ohio State’s passionate fans” concept out to its logical extreme to see how it holds up.

No one here knows this about me, but I’m a real big fan of Solitaire. It comes with Windows, so it’s on most computers and I just love it. I mean, I really OMG love it. Solitaire just rules. I’m a true and real fan of it. I have a whole closet filled with Solitaire gear, t-shirts, jackets, hats, etc. All I ever wear is clothing with Solitaire stuff on it. I have a whole series of t-shirts that feature every single card back available in Solitaire. They really rock.

And because I'm a true fan, I really get into playing Solitaire. When I lose a game, I get so angry, I have to smash my monitor. Sure it gets expensive, but I really love winning at Solitaire so when I lose I just have to smash something. But it’s simply because I’m so passionate about Solitaire.

Now, whenever I win a game, oh yeah, it’s time to celebrate. I jump up and down, yell, run outside screaming my head off. I make sure everyone within earshot knows that I WON and that Solitaire is the best thing ever. There’s nothing quite like celebrating a tough win in Solitaire. Then it’s off to the liquor store to load up on a lot of cheap booze so I can really celebrate right. That’s what being a real Solitaire fan is all about -- getting shitfaced and setting stuff on fire because, like I said, Solitaire is such a great game, I have to celebrate properly. Couches, cars, trash, you name it, it’s going up in flames. An offering to the great Solitaire God in the sky.

Also, those other games that come with Windows are lame. They suck and just can’t compare to Solitaire. So, in addition to all my Solitaire apparel, I have a t-shirt that reads “Fuck Minesweeper.” Minesweeper sucks so bad it’s not even funny. Minesweeper players are jealous of us Solitaire players and they’re complete losers. I actually call the game “Mine Weeper” because Minesweeper players are crybabies. Get it?

Anyway, I love wearing my “Fuck Minesweeper” t-shirt around. I wear it to the mall, the movies, and the unemployment office. Sure, I get some funny looks from people, especially parents with their children, but hey, I’m a real Solitaire fan and I love my game and I want everyone else to know that all other games suck. There’s really nothing quite like hearing a seven year old say, “Mommy, that man’s shirt says 'Fuck Minesweeper' on it.” LOL! Another young mind converted, priceless.

Whenever I see someone actually playing Minesweeper, I get right in their face because that’s what real fans do. I scream, “Fuck Minesweeper!” at them. I wish I had some other things to say but I’m so passionate about Solitaire I just can’t think of anything else. It’s like I’m operating on pure animal instinct. I do other stuff, too. If I’m across the room, I throw stuff at them -- soda cans, coffee mugs, staplers, the phone; you name it, it’s heading downrange. Then, I run over and I block their view of the monitor with my hands. Sometimes I even turn it off. I’ll start hitting the keys of their keyboard and trying to click their mouse. Man, you should see how pissed off they get. What a bunch of losers. Minesweeper players really are crybabies.

Anyway, it’s all about loving my game, Solitaire. It’s just the best there is. I’m not ashamed of it. I’m proud. Everyone else is a loser, even if you play Solitaire, too, because MY Solitaire goes to eleven. Admit it, you’re all jealous of me, right?

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Baggy Pants Devil, what you've just posted is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this blog is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

surrounded in columbus said...

BPD,
don't worry - the critcs didn't understand Joyce's "Ulysses" when it came out.

this is a master work. i'm thinking Nobel for literature.

BaggyPantsDevil said...

Anon,

LOL! Go back to watching WWE, you're in over your head here.


Thanks Surrounded, nice to know someone "got it."

IC said...

Baggy:

Though I'm sure you are not losing any sleep over anon's critique of your brilliant post, you may be interested to know that he lifted it from the cinematic comedy gem "Billy Madison."
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112508/quotes

I suppose we should be pleasantly surprised that he didn't drop in a "Fuck Michigan" and eternally grateful that he didn't reference "Meatchicken."

Anonymous said...

"I suppose we should be pleasantly surprised that he didn't drop in a "Fuck Michigan" and eternally grateful that he didn't reference "Meatchicken."

Most of us dont need to stoop to your level on writing full articles or attempts at witty analogies to describe the behavior or arrogance of the OSU fans and his or her belief in why they dont feel really really bad about saying the things that you feel is really inappropriate...

PS...the quote above is a JOKE...dont try and decipher it as some sort of indication of anything other than that...I understand that you guys are bitter about everything, but live a little...just a little

IC said...

anon:

your response appears to reflect a misguided sense of the attitudes and feelings of those who regularly post on this blog as well as other Michigan fans around the country who respect the quality of tOSU teams and the passion of tOSU fans when not manifesting itself in sociopathic and or criminal behavior though i suspect we do need to live a little and not get hung up on things such as nameless posters who missed the tOSU grammar class where run-on sentences were introduced and explained

Yost said...

lol, IG

BaggyPantsDevil said...

Damn! I guess I have to have an Adam Sandler FilmFest this Saturday. It's free with no more college football.

surrounded in columbus said...

talk about needing to lighten up and live a little? tosu fan reading & commenting on m blog? seriously, who needs to get of their mothers basement and find a life?


which raises another question - why is it you get so many tosu "anon" comments anyway? i rarely bother to even read the o-zone, let alone feel compelled to write on it. is that just me?

i mean, buckeyes sitting around talking/typing about getting their fiesta bowl tickets for next year doesn't interest me much. likewise, as deluded as they are, i don't see the point of logging in and trying to explain to them how silly that is. these tosu anons can't believe anyone is change their mind, can they?

part of it has to be their own insecurity. while i could care less how delusioned they are about next season, etc., it seems to really bother a lot of them that somewhere, somebody isn't singing out of the same hymnal, doesn't it? it's like they are compelled to sign up here and tell you you're wrong.

the other reason i think you see so many visitors is this site is really very good. i think it's a compliment to the editors that you get so much "foreign" traffic.

your site is a lot more interesting than any of tosu sites i've seen. it covers a wider range of topics or the same basic topics from different angles or perspectives.

let's face it- reading the o-zone is like talking to a tosu fan/dispatch letter writer/1460 call in talk show caller- one long self gratifying pat on the back, covering topics as diverse as why their recruiting class is really better than everyone else's (what does tom lemming really know anyway) to how clever they are for evading sanctions for the latest ncaa investigation. yeech.

you certainly have a far wider range of imaginative discussions (and pictures of slutty cheerleaders, too). if i were a tosu fan, i'd probably read this site more often, too.

Anonymous said...

"though i suspect we do need to live a little and not get hung up on things such as nameless posters who missed the tOSU grammar class where run-on sentences were introduced and explained"

I would say that pointing out obvious grammatical imperfections is not living a little, but last time I checked this was a blog...not Dr. Gold's English Class..

Anonymous said...

"part of it has to be their own insecurity. while i could care less how delusioned they are about next season, etc., it seems to really bother a lot of them that somewhere, somebody isn't singing out of the same hymnal, doesn't it? it's like they are compelled to sign up here and tell you you're wrong. "

I dont know about insecurity, but most of us sure dont spend as much time as the UM faithful on bashing our rival fans for any type of social shortcoming or complex they may possess.

surrounded in columbus said...

everyone needs a hobby. that's mine (at least before the weather gets nice enough for golf). is reading the m blog yours?

Anonymous said...

well...I dont know if I would consider it a hobby, but it is entertaining for the most part. However, there are probably reasonable limits to the amount of "good-natured ribbing" and "all in good fun" articles, which seem to be published with the same ease as a Southern Ohio Buckeye dropping a F*** Michigan on a Saturday afternoon. While it is documented on this blog that there is a rampant inferiority complex with a majority of the buckeye nation, there is no shortage of a superiority complex within the UM faithful. Unfortunately, this superiority complex is not warranted nor valid, and this type of behavior conveyed by the "typical" UM fan or alum is just as pathetic as any behavioral issues plaguing the crude and undesirable buckeye fans spoken about time and time again on this site.

surrounded in columbus said...

okay, so you think michigan fans feel superior (which you think is unjustified), look down on tosu fans (which you think is mistaken), and you think we spend too much time doing both?

and after reading the various comments/posts, you felt compelled to correct us/me of this notion?

and this proves you aren't insecure how???

Anonymous said...

"and this proves you aren't insecure how???"

I did realize that I was trying to change anybody's opinions on either topic. However, I was stating my opinion, which is very simply stating that for as many actual or perceived faults that buckeye fans possess....there are just as many on the Maize and Blue side of the fence. It doesnt really matter. You guys are on your own little island. I just thought that some outside perspective and a little bit of kidding around would lighten up a ridiculous commentary, but "Grammar Cop" and others have shipped off on their normal course of insults and other assorted "put-downs."

surrounded in columbus said...

well, your 10:08 post didn't come off too much like just "stating" an opinion. the later ones didn't either.

as to your point that michigan fans have their own set of problems, there's little question about that. if tosu's deadly sin is "envy", ours is undoubtedly "pride". our much publicized arrogance and smugness are apparent, win or lose any specific sporting event.

there is a significant difference between the two- our bad habits don't incline us to throwing beer cans, shoving other fans down the stairs, or having grandmother's teach our kids to say "fuck state". in fact, the biggest victims of our faults are in fact ourselves. not the case w/ tosu.

and no one has tried to stop you from posting your thoughts on the site (something that would have happened if i tried the same thing on the o-zone). one of the interesting things about this site is the abundance of other views. however, it would be naive for you to think people are going to agree w/, or even react kindly to your posts.

Anonymous said...

"and no one has tried to stop you from posting your thoughts on the site (something that would have happened if i tried the same thing on the o-zone). one of the interesting things about this site is the abundance of other views. however, it would be naive for you to think people are going to agree w/, or even react kindly to your posts. "

Definitely would not think that around here...

If you want that type of discussion, Bucknuts or Buckeye Planet is a better option("better" is a relative term in this case). O-zone is more of a community than it is a place to start healthy discussions. A community that has stricter rules on things that you can and cannot talk about...its their board...they can do whatever they want with it...

peace out...

IC said...

I'm confused: am I Dr. Gold or "Grammar Cop" ?

Maybe I'm both. A compassionate and dedicated professor by day before returning home, checking papers, and going out onto the streets to arrest the grammatically ignorant scum who coarsen our culture.

"Dr. Gold: Grammar Cop" Tuesdays on FOX!

Anonymous said...

"grammatically ignorant scum who coarsen our culture."

"Ignorant scum"...nice...classy...

You need to police yourself...and not worry about others

IC said...

Excellent points, SiC.

Anon, while I am among those who disagree with your arguements, I do appreciate you coming by and sharing your thoughts.

IC said...

anon:

I just read your latest post. While it can be difficult to perceive the tone of a comment, I was not suggesting that you are "grammatically ignorant scum." In fact, I don't think there is such a thing.

My comment was a spoof on bad TV, not any reflection of you or anyone else.

surrounded in columbus said...

Ian/"GC",
you'll need a gimmick. like a car that talks or a side kick w/ a funny accent. and some sort of a cool uni. oooh- and a hot chick for a love interest. maybe stacy's available?

Anon,
o-zone is a "community" w/ its own rules? it's not a place to start an open discussion?

so, we're less 'open" because we don't have rules that prevent people like you from making posts like this?

we're somehow not as hospitable because you don't like the responses you are getting to posts the like of which you couldn't get posted on the other site at all?


i give up. maybe i'll go play minesweeper for a while....

Benny Friedman said...

As someone who fantasizes about being a copy editor - I have no life - I DO believe that grammatically ignorant scum exist. And they poison our society. But that rant is for a different blog.
What I do find interesting is that Anon seems to be objecting to the word "scum." Go to any Tosu message board. You'll see multiple references to scUM. That's one of their clever nicknames for Meatchicken...I mean Michigan.
To Anon's credit, he hasn't used that in his discussion here, and I also want to credit him for keeping the discussion civil, even if I disagree.

IC said...

You're absolutely right, SiC. I need a sidekick. Someone from a vaguely southern or eastern European country. Let's call him Hrabek (with one of those double dots over the 'e') He's my grammar deputy, which is funny because his newly-arrived-immigrant grammar is so poor.

My love interest needs to be sassy. And she needs a man's name like Max, Claud, Alex, or Frankie, because apparently strong-willed yet still-vulnerable American females no longer have names like Jennifer, Rebecca, or Michelle. She digs me but I'm too dedicated to my students and wrapped up in clearing the streets of GIS (grammatically ignorant scum) to notice.

BaggyPantsDevil said...

Ian,

As someone whose job it is to actually grade written reports and make corrections, I can tell you that "Grammar Cop" will also need an extremely high-tech red pen.

It'll need to be big with an ergonomic grip, perhaps made of titanium, and have a pressurized ink chamber like the astronaut pens (space, bitches, space). A laser rangefinder/target designator as well as built in GPS could come in handy too.

Your car--the bitchin' GrammarMobile--should have a head up display for Oliver Strunk's Elementary Rules of Usage.

And, speaking of umlauts, maybe if Michigan put the fearsome looking "heavy metal umlaut" over the letter "i" it would toughen up the defense in the fourth quarter?

Anonymous said...

I loved it. Well done! And damn it ... I want mine to go to 11.

CapBuck said...

Sorry BPD, when I got to '...I award you no points..' I was jumping up and down in the computer lab calling Billy Madison.

Except I read the first post about 11 hours after IG did.

CapBuck said...

I don't know about other Buckeyes, but the O-Zone is kind of in its own little world. I've tried to post over there before, and unless you're in the in-club-the guys that have been there for years, you pretty much get ignored. Unless you're a UM fan, apparently you just get banned.

As for their site content-I've been reading the O-Zone for years and years and years (just haven't been posting there much). They started out as and will always be a news-oriented site. The staff that runs the place runs it like a local newspaper dedicated to covering OSU athletics. Thus, outside the forum there are much fewer jokes, off-topic commentaries and absolutley no cheeleader prOn. There's really no comparison between them, a news-oriented site, and this place, a conversation-oriented blog.

Anyway, my five dollars on the topic.

surrounded in columbus said...

Capbuck,
always appreciate your opinion even when i don't agree w/ it. i'll take you at your word that the two sites aren't good comparisons.

let me make a simpler one: it's a friday night in november. i'm wearing my michigan sweatshirt. i walk into a bar and loudly state to my drinking companions something rude and obnoxious like: "tOSU is a dirty, rotten program and tre$$el cheats".

how should i expect others over hearing me to react? if i'm in frazier's pub on packard in A2, most people either agree w/ me or just ignore me. if i'm standing in the middle of the buckeye hall of fame cafe or the varsity club, i doubt that i'd get the same reaction AND would be naive to expect it.

i think the same logic follows for blogs. you get on to a texas/ND/whatever oriented blog and start saying negative things about that school, you're going to get a negative reaction. the more provocative the statement, the more aggressive the push back.

if i want to say something negative about tosu, i'm probably better off saying it here than on any tosu site, unless what i want to do is just start a pissing match w/ the entire buckeye nation.

same goes for fans from other schools logging in here. no one is saying they're not welcome to post, just that they shouldn't expect people to necessarily like what they say. if you want to talk about what a bunch of arrogant asses michigan fans are, don't say it here UNLESS you want people to disagree w/ you.

CapBuck said...

SiC

Well of course. I was in no way contending with the straight forward logic of your post.

I was contending with a post above that painted the O-Zone in a rather stodgy and boring light as compared to the wacky fun that the humor and cheerleader battles brings around here.

There's a reason I spend most of my posts over here a.) not trashing UM and b.) not hyping OSU. Every now and then when its warranted in the discussion, I throw in a little of (b), but I pretty much never throw down any (a). Its simply not the place for it. When I want to talk trash on UM, I usually go find my best friend (he's one of those border-casualty UM fans-born and raised in Toledo and was never close enough to the capital of the football universe to get sucked in proper-like).