Friday, February 17, 2006
(from M Zone wire reports) Tuscaloosa, AL -- Riots broke out across the University of Alabama campus and the state itself today following reports that the M Zone's Danish affiliate - Den M Distrikt - posted cartoons showing former University of Alabama football Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant wearing an Auburn hat and another showing him drawn into the infamously cheesey "Dogs Playing Poker" painting. The cartoons were first published way back after the 2000 season. But officials speculate they were not noticed at the time because Crimson Tide fans were too busy trying to figure out how the hell to get rid of Mike DuBose before he ruined their program.
In Alabama and other parts of the south, images or caricatures of "Bear" Bryant that depict the legendary coach as anything but a deity on par with God Almighty is considered blasphemous and highly offensive to Crimson Tide fans, akin to saying, "I don't get what the big deal is with NASCAR."
We here at the M Zone have struggled with the moral question of whether or not to reprint these explosive and offensive drawings. But as highly ethical journalists with no pictures to post today featuring semi-nude cheerleaders now acting in porno films, we looked deep inside our souls and said, "Fuck it. This shit is funny."
However, as a direct result of this decision supporting the First Amendment, freedom of the press and the right to procrastinate instead of working, the Sigma Chi house at the University of Alabama has issued a fatwas against us here at the M Zone. We do not take that lightly. Any time you piss off a substantial portion of the population in the deep south, it is a highly dangerous situation. Especially from those who don't read anything but the "red section" of USA TODAY and might not get the satiric nature of this post.
As such, please let it be noted for the record that Benny did the pictures you see here today and I, your humble correspondent, Yost, only wrote the text for this piece.