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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

About Those Sig Pics...

TO: All Fan Board Participants
FROM: M Zone

We need to talk. Privately. About an embarrassing situation plaguing college football fan boards across America. And I'm going to be harsh. I'm going to be honest. But somebody has to say it:

What is with the over-the-top signature pictures? I'm not talking about the ones that have a photo of your team winning the big game or making the big play. Or even one bagging on your big rival. No, I'm talking about the Maxim spreads, the ones of the half-naked celebs or lingerie models that make most boards look like the locker of some pimple-faced 8th grader just starting to go through puberty.

Look, we here at the M Zone are not opposed to beautiful women and sports. In fact, we approve (hence our "Blog Co-ed Showdown" competition). But the difference is, when you click on a link about the FSU cowgirls, you know what you're in for. However, when you're simply trying to comment on a thread about Joe Paterno's winning percentage in the 70s, you don't expect to scroll through 9 feet of pin-up and centerfold sig pics that need a Not Safe For Work warning label before you can leave your words of wisdom about JoePa.

See, I have a theory -- that the physical attractiveness of the fan making the post and/or that of his wife/girlfriend is inversely proportional to the hotness of the chick in his sig pic(s). Like the 45 year old dude saddled with a small penis and a mid-life crisis who compensates with the Porsche. I mean, do you think a guy dating an attractive SEC alum now running her own business needs to put up semi-nude photos of a bikini model as his sig pic? I'm guessing no. Would Brad Pitt -- if he was chillin' on the board of his alma mater, Mizzou -- feel the need to post Angelina Jolie pics? Granted, it's hard to find semi-nude pictures of Jolie that we haven't all seen already but my answer to the question is still no. Guys like that don't need to.

And I'll even cut some slack to any college students who use these types of photos for their sig pics. Kind of an extension of their dorm room/frat house. But I'd bet that most of the fans on these sites are guys in their 20s, 30s and even 40s, long removed from college. So it puzzles me...until I see a pick-up truck whiz past me on the highway sporting the naked chick mud flaps. Who knows, maybe these fans still pine for the days when that Heather Thomas poster used to hang in their bedrooms at their parents' house. Of course, judging by some of the sig pics I've seen, maybe half the problem is they still live there.

Now, we know this is an uncomfortable subject to bring up on a lot of message boards. Some folks, with their GIRLS GONE WILD photo spread under their names, tend to get a little, shall we say, defensive when you bring up the topic. That's where we come in. When you run across these poor single guys, just say, "Hey, saw a funny post on this site" and simply post a link here. Hopefully, they'll get the hint. I doubt it. But it's always worth a try.

Your friend,



BaggyPantsDevil said...

LOL, you are dead on in your analysis.

It's especially annoying to me when it's a thread of one word responses jammed in between all the huge pictures.

I'm not a big fan of the paragraph sized pretentious quote that's always longer than the actual comment, either.

Example message board comment:

"Yo momma!"

(1024 by 768 picture of Jenn Sterger in some booty shorts)

Full text of the opening speach from the movie "Patton."

Trojan Mike said...

Im 43 with a small penis, and I guess I'm one of the few that don't have a sexy sig pic- just a boring one of my team. Am I supposed to?

Yost said...

Team is good, Mike. Team is always good.

TM, what about the Porsche?

The King said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The King said...

I drive a Porsche, you dick.

Anonymous said...

Love your blog and here is another you coud check out.

Jim Levenstein said...

I like the pictures. Excuse while I whip this out.

M82 said...

I think I speak for many when I say that the most shocking part of your commentary was this:

Brad Pitt went to college??


Brad said...

Um.... what was the question?

Dubbya said...

I have a very small penis but I don't drive a Porsche. I drive a Hummer.