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Wednesday, December 03, 2014

BREAKING: Video of Michigan Plane on its First Stop in Latest Coaching Search

In a stunning exclusive, the MZone has obtained footage of the so-called "Michigan plane" on its secret first stop in U-M's search for its next football coach.  I think this video indicates what a longshot their top choice is.

Monday, November 03, 2014

Michigan Talifans Blow Up Speakers in Big House

(from MZone wire reporters) ANN ARBOR, MI - The Talifan - a radical group of University of Michigan supporters who adhere to a strict interpretation of what constitutes Michigan tradition - have blown up the speakers inside the Big House in order to prevent any further piped in music to be played inside the stadium.  A video of the destruction was posted today on their website OnlyWeKnowWhatTrueFandomIs.net (SEE BELOW).

"Only the one true marching band should be heard inside the stadium," said the group's leader, Tim Gundersack (BA, '97) from a secret location where he mooches off the wi-fi signal of a nearby coffee shop in order to write his blog.  "The Michigan gameday experience is sacred and should be exactly as it was in 1926, Field H. Yost's last year as head coach.  How can it be tradition if it's not traditional?"

According to Gundersack, the present day experience at Michigan Stadium has "changed" too much and "isn't the same as when (he) was there."  "Back then," said Gundersack, "everything cost a nickel and Michigan won every game.  Peace be with Bo."

Gundersack went on to explain the Talifan's rationale for blowing up the speakers.  "True Michigan fans didn't want the rawk crap they'd been playing over the speakers," he said.  "What does Seven Nation Army have to do with Michigan?  Nothing.  True Blue fans only want quality stuff that's played live by the Michigan Marching Band and is specific to our university.  Classic music like the Rocky and Bullwinkle theme."

The group has threatened to flame anybody who disagrees with them on their website, or block them on Twitter, or both if they try to leave a comment then tweet about it.  "Those who do not follow the way are nothing but Drew Sharps to me," said Gundersack before bitching about Michigan's refusal to switch to a modern spread offense.

Previously, the Talifan has opposed the renovation of the Big House, night games, and the use of non-leather helmets.

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

New Michigan Logo for Dave Brandon Regime

In the honor of the Shane Morris incident, and the Coke ticket clusterf**k, and the skywriting over Spartan Stadium, and the fireworks, and the student section fiasco, and on and on and on, we think Michigan may need a new logo as long as Dave Brandon remains the AD.


ED. NOTE: Yes, during the days of the Original Mzone (respect) and even MZone 2.0, this post would have gone up the very day of Dave's latest "miscommunication." But, well, real life now.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

SE7EN starring Brian "Mills" Cook, Ace "Somerset" Anbender & "John Doe" Brandon

ACE: Give me the blog.
BRIAN: What's going on over there?
ACE: Walk away from the computer, Brian.
BRIAN: He showed you the box, what was in the box?
BRANDON: Because I'm a corporate hack, it seems being a corporate hack is my sin.
COOK:Oh, what's in the box?
ACE: Not until you give me-
ACE: Give me the blog.
BRANDON: He just told you - it's Michigan's football dignity.
COOK: You lie! You're a fucking liar!
ACE: That's what he wants, he wants you to lose your cool on MGo.
COOK: No! Noooo! You tell me, you tell me it's not true. That's not true.
BRANDON: Become a Domer, Brian.
COOK: Michigan football's alright. You tell me.
BRANDON: Become NDNation.com
COOK: Tell me Michigan's alright!
ACE: He sold tickets for $3 worth of Coke, Brian.
COOK: Nooooo!
BRANDON: I allowed rawk music in the Big House.
ACE: Shut up.
BRANDON: I allowed rawk music in the Big House and I'm going to hire Cam Cameron to replace Hoke.


BRANDON: He didn't know.
ACE: Give me the blog, Brian. Brian, if you boycott Maryland, he will win.



NOTE: Start at the 2 minute mark below...

Ode to Dave Brandon

In the wake of the dumpster fire currently raging in A2, I give you Ode to Dave Brandon (to be sung to The Victors.  Eat your heart out, Louis Elbel).

Fail! for the PR crisis
Fail! for being news with ISIS
Fail! Fail! to Dave Brandon
The source of fan unrest!
Fail! for the Hoke debacle
Fail! now our team is awful
Fail! Fail! to Dave Brandon,
A pizza guy at best!


Fail! for the PR crisis
Fail! national news with ISIS
Fail! Fail! to Dave Brandon
The leader of this mess!
Fail! for the Hoke debacle
Fail! now our team is awful
Fail! Fail! to Dave Brandon,
A pizza guy at best!


Monday, September 29, 2014

Dave Brandon and The Hokey Grail

Yeah, I know I haven't posted in over year here on the MZone, but the colossal clusterf**k currently taking place in A2 these days has compelled me to dip back into the blogging word for a brief moment.

Thus, I give you Dave Brandon and the Hokey Grail...

PS It's been so long, I forgot how to post pictures on this darn thing for a second!

Monday, August 05, 2013

New Carlos Hyde Video with Audio and Transcript

By now, everyone has seen the surveillance video of Ohio State running back Carlos Hyde hitting a woman at a Columbus bar last month.  The incident looked like it could be the end of Carlos Hyde's career since Urban Meyer is well known as such a strict disciplinarian*.  In fact, Meyer put up this sign in the locker room to remind players of the high standards at Tosu.

Sure, the cynics out there might say that, "They need a big sign to remind their players not to steal?"  But those are just haters.

Following the incident in the video below, Carlos was suspended for three games - Buffalo, SDSU and Cal.  So what really happened that night at the bar?  The silent video most people have seen doesn't tell the whole story.  Now, for the first time, the MZone has obtained a copy of the surveillance video that contains sound and a transcript of what was said.  We think it shines an entirely new flashlight on the incident.  You be the judge:

* Yes, I had to clean off my computer screen after typing that due to the spit take. 

Friday, August 02, 2013

Maurice Clarett offers you a second chance. No really.

Our friend Tom sent us the following ad that just feels wrong on so many levels.  You be the judge.